Before I get to the main topic, I'll have to add some things about recent changes. I have kind of gotten tot he point where I feel I don't need/want a boyfriend-- for now I think.. I still need to work on myself a bit more before I can have a boyfriend and also because I don't want to be tied down just yet, especially when I just started trying out the night scene. But that's not the main reason..i don't know..there is still a bit more to work on BUT I do think I can make a good first impression now when it comes to new men and I do know...that I can get whoever with a little effort. (that's not in a cocky tone..more like in a confident tone) When the opportunity presents itself again though, I'll have a whole different approach.
Some issues were brought up to me lately. I was in a search as to why I felt lonely, what exactly was the root cause of the feeling and how to go about fixing it. A few months ago, I was more concerned with having a relationship because I loved the idea of one -- having someone to spend time with always or when you need them, somebody to love, a partner, etc. I didn't exaclty need a romantic relationship, what I did need to do was strengthen relationships I've had my entire life: my family.
Sounds a tad odd but the things Ive needed have een right in front of me all along albeit not in the same form.. but what I wanted from a relationship and the availability and friendship I wanted from friends could be satisfied by becoming closer with my family. My relationship with my mom and sister for a good amount of years has been not so great, we have small talk but its not super substantial. Something I am doing now is repairing that by letting them get to know me. (For numerous reasons that are out of the scope of this discussion I had built walls up with my family)
Bottom line: Your family is always going to be around and for the most part are obligated to deal with you and will be around to talk, laugh and cry with you. Given you can't talk to them about everything, other topics can be for friends. If you have friends that don't want to be super mega close and almost like family...then you can't expect a ton from them..or try and enhance your relationship with them. The input and output of the relationship can't be heavier on one end than the other. I can't speak on this anymore -- but I have mixed feelings about all of this. I am getting closer with my family..but relieving my friends of certain duties I mentally associated them with? Idk.. but I am certain this will work out for the best!
I love my family, i love them so so much.
I love my friends as well.. but I think most of the people I have surrounded myself with don't want to have the closeness and the type of relationship that makes me call them ..like a brother or sister to me. I have so much to offer as a friend...but I guess I should output a bit less..and put less weights on their shoulders. I'm scared..but I'm happy for myself.
Something I noticed...with our friends, we tend to think, "am I putting too much into this friendship? Am I putting too little? Should I back off a little? Should I open up more?" But do we have these questions with her family.
ReplyDeleteI would say no. I mean, sure, we almost always wish our parents would open up to us. Or better yet, that we would feel comfortable enough to open up with them. But for the most part, there is no...expectation? I think that is what really separates friendships and familyships. Friendships can be broken whereas family (with some exceptions of course) will always be there. We do not get to choose our family whereas we can chose are friends and they have that same right.
So we tend to be more cautious...more methodical even when approaching friendships because they are very fragile. Yet sometimes we forget that familyships are just as fragile, but unfortunatly cutting off your family has a very different affect to us than cutting off friends.