Day 4: Twisted Inspiration

I don't know what to call this, it's a short story/poem-ish thing that came to my mind after listening to some music and relating som feelings I had towards issues in my life and with other people. Take from it what you will.

Metallic Conversion

The metropolitan drones board the silver box
Mature, advanced, hard-wired figures
All with a false sense of independence
“The city made you this way!” A man exclaimed
But nobody looks at him, they just turn away
Their hardened and shiny drone suits gleam brightly
Showing shells of who they actually are
Lonely, empty, dead
“We have no soul. Don’t you remember?”
Burst of android laughter fill the cart,
Human? No, just sick instruments of the Universe
The man disembarks.
This is common in the metropolis

One boy sits next to his drone mother
A teardrop rolls down his face
“Don’t you dare cry!” The mom yells
All the drones turn and stare at the boy
Short-circuiting, wires bursting, oil spewing
Madness personified
A drone cannot feel, cannot love, cannot live
Confused, soulless, they all lay there, shut down
This is common in the metropolis

The boy departs from the train,
He stands alone, staring into the distance
Questioning everything he believes in,
Is every warm feeling even worth the trouble?
Can he ever love and be loved?
With too many questions, he made a decision to become a drone on that platform.
"It's just easier this way. Who needs to feel? Who needs love?"

A delicate flower turns into stone

This too, is common in the metropolis.

Day 3: and why did this turn into a semi-rant? lol

For the recored the count of days that you see in the title is basically how many days since I started reposting.

I was thinking earlier tonight about stuff -- Okay I'll elaborate. Although I'm pretty much better from the whatever happened with my failed date and a half, (WHICH FOR THE RECORD WENT QUITE WELL AND SHOULD HAVE DEVELOPED INTO SOMETHING..but..) but on occasion I think about it and what could have happened if the other guy was more interested in me and again begin to spiral into ridiculous thoughts. Such as, omg i wish things would have worked out, what did i do, why cant i do cute romantic things bc i have no one right now, why is it so hard to find someone, i just want to share my time with someone, i want to go out to dinner then a movie then dessert, i want to go to the beach at night (even though i'm a fatass), i want to go shopping-have a dinner with the view of the water-go to brooklyn bridge park and stare into the distance--stupid romantic shit, like.. all these things are so attainable these aren't things that are extreme crazy or w/e you know?

 I have bitter feelings towards the world and all my past encounters with men and potential relationships because they have all failed. Given, there hasn't been too many of those situations.. and I want to say that I'm mad at some of the people that hooked me up with others but that would be a lie because it's not their fault (perhaps they could have screened them a bit more...) it's honestly most likely either my fault or theirs but since I can't read minds and figure out what going on with them I automatically target myself as the reason that everything fails. I think it's just not fair.. but I'm taking more and more steps to make myself feel better and to live and love myself more but I think a relationship.. would help.. please?

Anyways well i was going to write about... errr I forgot, something alone the lines of a poem that I wanted to share but when I was inspired to write.. I just watched tv instead. Maybe the same inspiration will come back.

World just work with me here! >.>

Day 2: Passive Aggressive = Not the way to go!

I've noticed a trend. When I try to center this blog around my life, it just doesn't work out, meaning I just eventually stop posting when I get sad or whatever. So what I'm trying to do is just bring some ideas, topics, and whatever I notice--right here to this blog. I think it will be more fun, more fun, and a bit less dark at some points. No worries, you'll get life updates too just.. not everyday. I just want to take the blog in a more sustainable direction.

Have you ever had a friend, associate, or acquaintance that you've seen mentally explode? One minute they are fine and dandy and next minute they've turned into a Charizard and are coming at you (or anyone else)?

Okay, that's an extreme case but what I'm trying to ask is if you know people who tend to be passive aggressive in the way they handle situations.

I'll give an example:
Say within your circle of friends there is a particular person that, on occasion, gets on, say, two people's nerves. When this said person, it not around the two, all they do is complain about how frustrated they are with the said person. I mean it's okay to be upset with a friend and not address each and every issue when there is a problem but when it becomes a HABIT to complain about the said person-- it's time to put your foot down.

If all the two people do is talk about the said person and comment on how annoying they could be, the situation could be fixed if something as simple as a talk, just nipping the situation in the bud before it goes into full bloom.

OF COURSE this isn't that simple.. because you either don't want to bring up petty things or don't want to come off the wrong way but personally I think the best way to handle it all is to be honest. It's fair to both you and the other party and it could help make your relationship with the person a healthy one. Just make sure it's done in a civil and calm way, try not to get flustered or too upset.

Especially if the issue is something that neither of you can change: Say, if you are mad because some people like person X and they want to hang out with person X all the time and not you. --  That is not person X's fault for being liked, and you getting upset at that means that you need to figure out why you feel that way and changing that attitude. I hope that didn't come off the wrong way -- But I'm trying to say it isn't person X's fault.

I'm not saying that.. I follow all these guidelines all the time - we are human and we all make mistakes and I have made all of these above. But I made steps towards changing the way I handle situations with people -- whether I had to cut a person out of my life, address a certain issue with a friend, or become less insecure about myself.

Try it out.. you'll smile a bit more. Fuck this was long.
The main reason why I say this is because.. I'm just afraid that because of this type of behavior...a big rift has been created within a friend circle of mine. It's really sad and I wish I could help out but I'm not trying to overstep any boundaries (and they are all mega busy..or maybe I'm getting the cold shoulder now). I hope things do get sorted out because this can all be solved. Let's just be friends and smile, cry and laugh--not complain, talk about and ignore each other-- it's just not right.

Have a nice day! =)

Day 1: "And....we're back" (just like when Gchat disconnects and reconnects)

Im going to try something-- attempt to post everyday with something new and fresh that I can offer to someone in the world. I want to help myself and help others. In another post I'll go over more personal things but right now let's do this.

I recently I read a line from a friend's Facebook. Basically it was something along the lines of:

-- There are some instances where you put your all into something and it doesn't work out. And that's okay. --

It may suck, but sometimes things just aren't supposed to work out. Sometimes the Universe, God, Allah, or whatever you choose to believe in -- has a plan for us. Maybe you are supposed to lose a friend and shed those tears in order for another page in your life to start being written. Maybe that relationship was supposed to fail, perhaps the date you thought went perfectly fine was meant to really never develop.

I'm not trying to suggest that this is "okay" and for people just be fine and dandy with wherever life takes us, hell, you should be angry, screaming, crying, pissed at the world and everyone you see. You should have that moment where you just feel like all the color has been drained out of you, where you feel gray inside. Take your time getting past things. I know...the hard way how difficult it is to just try to pick yourself back up time and time again. When everything just seems like it couldn't get worse and you'd rather just go back to being a 3 yr old, or just not continue living at all.

This is just a thought that our lives aren't over just yet and who knows what could happen, so take your time and just try to realize that although you feel like shit right at this moment, eventually things will become different and you (along with the Universe, God, etc.) play a large role in this step. Try to send out good vibes to the Universe..and, with time, you'll get something in return.

I'm doing this now, and it's hard sometimes, and I have times where I doubt if this will ever help (and that's okay too, it's normal). But just don't be too hard on yourself and go with the flow.