first things first!! I got my new computer as of 9/9/09! lol -- a lot earlier than I expected to receive it! It's so nice and completely functional lol.
I'm a bit fuzzy on a certain issue -- of just, well insincere people-- and if they should even be classified as such. For example, say you have friends that you hang out with on occasionally. The nature of the hangout is purely casual, and you aren't in this primary circle of people. But for the most part, they are very nice to you and always mention hanging out together or simply talk to outside of class sometimes. However eventually you find out that all these events have been happening, and you weren't really included. But given that they want you to hang out with them, and you have made attempts to hang out with them, but their feelings don't seem to add up. Now the question is, are they being insincere...consequently, fake -- in even being interested in you as a friend by not REALLY wanting to hang out with you. OR are they clearly being real because if they don't want to hang out with you, the won't call you just because they said they want to hang out "sometime," and you should have gotten the picture by now. Just let that sink in for a bit..
Note: If you know me, you'd know exactly whcih people I'm talking about lol -- funny thing is, I have told them this too, and I get a "What are you talking about? *with odd look on face*"
Alas, this past week has been alright, nothing particularly special except for getting some clothes, shoes and stuff in the mail. I honestly have to stop spending money on food, and consequently.. for like the rest of the month.. i think my limit will be 10 bucks a week.. or rather for the next 4 weeks. Trust me, I can do this just because of the simple fact that I survived on 5 bucks for like 2 months at some point last year (given I had a larger meal plan last year). I have food stocked up in my rather large bin. So I can sustain myself. and if not, I'll have to use money I suppose. But I took my debit card out of my wallet and it's in my desk now. And when I do that, I make a decision to put a stop to all funds and transactions.
Ugh, tomorrow will probably be the first week of 4 problem sets, frequent Spanish homework and perhaps the start of an art humanities paper. Now, this will... be the end of many large stints of free time I have now which is a bit sad but we have to do what we must to succeed in life. Hopefully I could get this internship I applied to (well there will be more to apply to in the coming days) because I think I have an "in" on it. However, I honestly feel I'm not too qualified compared to other people I know who actually know in this field and did "real" stuff this summer. (Note: I know we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, however, employers do, so that shit matters -- gpa, experience, etc. stfu if you are saying it does not because you are lying.) Someone who can actually talk about finance or..something along those lines, which I honestly can't do -- although I am becoming more and more interested in this certain field I don't quite know if I'm just trying to convince myself if this is the right thing, or if it really is. It the true answer is the former, (I do not really know yet because I still trying to figure out stuff and for myself is this is great) then we have a slight problem.
rawr but for now what I am going to do, is what I've been doing, maxminizing my opportunities, converting myself back into an ultra efficient student, staying true to myself and being cognizant of my actions and there consequences and staying/hanging with real, legitimate people.
--"The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed." --Richard Brinsley Sheridan
it's on my wall in my room, and honestly I could not ask for something else to describe my work ethic, however I consequently lose a bit of my sanity, but that is fine.
Aside from all this, the 4A crew & co. is awesome, they always been my peoples kudos to the world for setting up that suite. (well the ones we hang with) And they are...well, my only non asian circle of people, which honestly can be really refreshing at times -- because like it's really no offense to them, because I am still there friends lol but.. it's just interesting and nice with the others haha. (oh and the frosh are also non asian too, but then again.. they drop into a different category on their own because they are frosh--that will be something to mention on a later post.
I'm out. see ya.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
A Little...well Really Late but nevertheless, back
Well here I am, on a Sunday, having some downtime, since I got everything down already.. for now, well I still have to rewrite a problem into my homework and I think I should reread my financial econ stuff, since I know some of that stuff didn't really stick into my mind. Now, back on topic.
My room is nice, albeit smaller than last year's (specifically, 20 square feet less) but it's not like I have that much stuff anyway. But at first my closet was an issue, because I guess I have more shirts than the average individual and my entire hanging section of my closet was devoted to the shirts, hoodies and jackets, while my jeans and other things ended up in a drawer on my dresser.
I'm still trying to figure out if I made a the right decision in picking Schapiro, being that the whole building was pretty much empty when I went to register and that my floor was basically going to be about 5 guys (actually, 3 including myself), the bathroom would have been amazing when compared to a lower Broadway floor, a slightly bigger room (which I feel is A LOT bigger) but running the risk of having an excess amount of guys on the floor -- thus killing a bathroom scheme. Also, most of my friends live in Broadway, and i mainly only know around 10 people in Schapiro and am only close to 1 of them lol. But I purposely choose it so that I could be a tad further away, so that I could study more and not be distracted and also have the opportunity to meet a whole bunch of new people on my floor. I think it's coming out well though since my floor is somewhat social and filled will some pretty interesting and cool characters. I'm slowly thinking it was the right decision, but I can't help to think about the "what if.." you know?
--Sometimes don't you hate having to make all these choices? All these decisions that will eventually affect you sometime along the road of life. That's when my view on one aspect of life comes into play. You either make a decision or you don't -- okay this is off the topic of choosing rooms but I am going somewhere with this.
It's along the lines of "trying" --what is the concept of "trying?" The formal definition is --to make an attempt at-- (out of the 5 merriam-webster gave me, this is one I'd like to talk about). Honestly, if you really think about it, when you "try" to do something do you complete it? or does whatever you were doing not get finished? The simplest example would be if I asked you "Try to pop this balloon!" Now what would you do? Pop it right? In doing that you didn't "try" to pop the balloon, you just popped it. I hope it was clear, but you can't "try" to pop a balloon, you either pop it or you leave it alone. In that sense, the whole concept of "trying" doesn't exist. In life, you either do things, or you don't -- and if you really tr telling yourself, that you "tried" to do homework, or you "tried" to study for a test, or you "tried" to call someone (well unless they never answered but well you know what I mean) -- you either did it, or you didn't. And that's why I think everyone at some point needs to self evaluate and think about what they are doing in their lives, and are they really doing everything they can to fulfill their goals, dreams, short-term and long-term agendas/wants/needs or are you just letting opportunities pass by or just fooling yourself into thinking you "tried your best" NO! you either did your best or you didn't. I honestly think it's a healthy and more realist approach to thinking about life because it gives you a nice perspective on things and allows you to at least organize what you want to do with your life. Although it is hard, I think everyone should take a try at this approach, maybe it will help? I saw this man on tv talking about this, and a lot of things clicked months later in a certain point in my life.
Back on track? but I hope things go smoothly this year and that maybe I could make some new bonds, or stronger bonds with people, and hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised sometime during this year with stuff. There has been a whole lot of partying going on haha --I have paried that much though, just some good casual stuff. ALSO something else to think about, have you ever cancelled on other people that you are pretty close with, to then hang out with a different group of people who you aren't that close with but believe you slowly get there if you join them in a hangout or whatever. OR have you gone to hang out with this said circle of people even though you didn't initially want to? but went just so that you could be more a member of the group? -- Given the people in this group like you and want you to be with them and such -- or that you want to get to know them and stuff. Has this ever happened to you? -- well hopefully someone will take a gander at this and comment lol.
--until next time ..hopefully more frequently! I've missed you blogger! (and that was a sincere statement!)
also -- check out username: Timaya -- on youtube! he's so funny and amazing! lol
My room is nice, albeit smaller than last year's (specifically, 20 square feet less) but it's not like I have that much stuff anyway. But at first my closet was an issue, because I guess I have more shirts than the average individual and my entire hanging section of my closet was devoted to the shirts, hoodies and jackets, while my jeans and other things ended up in a drawer on my dresser.
I'm still trying to figure out if I made a the right decision in picking Schapiro, being that the whole building was pretty much empty when I went to register and that my floor was basically going to be about 5 guys (actually, 3 including myself), the bathroom would have been amazing when compared to a lower Broadway floor, a slightly bigger room (which I feel is A LOT bigger) but running the risk of having an excess amount of guys on the floor -- thus killing a bathroom scheme. Also, most of my friends live in Broadway, and i mainly only know around 10 people in Schapiro and am only close to 1 of them lol. But I purposely choose it so that I could be a tad further away, so that I could study more and not be distracted and also have the opportunity to meet a whole bunch of new people on my floor. I think it's coming out well though since my floor is somewhat social and filled will some pretty interesting and cool characters. I'm slowly thinking it was the right decision, but I can't help to think about the "what if.." you know?
--Sometimes don't you hate having to make all these choices? All these decisions that will eventually affect you sometime along the road of life. That's when my view on one aspect of life comes into play. You either make a decision or you don't -- okay this is off the topic of choosing rooms but I am going somewhere with this.
It's along the lines of "trying" --what is the concept of "trying?" The formal definition is --to make an attempt at-- (out of the 5 merriam-webster gave me, this is one I'd like to talk about). Honestly, if you really think about it, when you "try" to do something do you complete it? or does whatever you were doing not get finished? The simplest example would be if I asked you "Try to pop this balloon!" Now what would you do? Pop it right? In doing that you didn't "try" to pop the balloon, you just popped it. I hope it was clear, but you can't "try" to pop a balloon, you either pop it or you leave it alone. In that sense, the whole concept of "trying" doesn't exist. In life, you either do things, or you don't -- and if you really tr telling yourself, that you "tried" to do homework, or you "tried" to study for a test, or you "tried" to call someone (well unless they never answered but well you know what I mean) -- you either did it, or you didn't. And that's why I think everyone at some point needs to self evaluate and think about what they are doing in their lives, and are they really doing everything they can to fulfill their goals, dreams, short-term and long-term agendas/wants/needs or are you just letting opportunities pass by or just fooling yourself into thinking you "tried your best" NO! you either did your best or you didn't. I honestly think it's a healthy and more realist approach to thinking about life because it gives you a nice perspective on things and allows you to at least organize what you want to do with your life. Although it is hard, I think everyone should take a try at this approach, maybe it will help? I saw this man on tv talking about this, and a lot of things clicked months later in a certain point in my life.
Back on track? but I hope things go smoothly this year and that maybe I could make some new bonds, or stronger bonds with people, and hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised sometime during this year with stuff. There has been a whole lot of partying going on haha --I have paried that much though, just some good casual stuff. ALSO something else to think about, have you ever cancelled on other people that you are pretty close with, to then hang out with a different group of people who you aren't that close with but believe you slowly get there if you join them in a hangout or whatever. OR have you gone to hang out with this said circle of people even though you didn't initially want to? but went just so that you could be more a member of the group? -- Given the people in this group like you and want you to be with them and such -- or that you want to get to know them and stuff. Has this ever happened to you? -- well hopefully someone will take a gander at this and comment lol.
--until next time ..hopefully more frequently! I've missed you blogger! (and that was a sincere statement!)
also -- check out username: Timaya -- on youtube! he's so funny and amazing! lol
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Some facebook note
I felt like posting this here, for those of you who choose to read this.
1. I've come to realize that my ex... --N/A --don't have an ex.
2. I am listening...creepy sound of my empty house.
3. I talk...things that are on my mind or the things I want to do in life. they might be repeated because it takes a while for thoughts to sink in my head. Sometimes people do not care for what I have to say, or even listen to it .
4. I love...some people I shouldn't even attach the word too, I don't have the best judgement sometimes.
5. My best friends...the most unique and dedicated people in my life, it's not easy for me to call someone this.
6. My enemies hate me because... I've neve really gotten a straight answer, so I'm not quite sure yet.
7. I lost...myself many times throughout the years, thinking that what I was doing at the point was right. Even at this very moment, I have to make a decision if I want to lose some people, because I might get hurt.
8. I hate it when people...are insincere about having no interest of being a friend, just be honest.
9. Love is...something I want.
10. Marriage...another set chapter in life that society claims we have to do.
11. Someone, somewhere, is thinking...well, not about me.
12. I'll always be...someone who cares.
13. I have a crush...on someone I probably shouldn't.
14. The last time I cried was because...I realized how different things would be during the academic year with some people.
15. My mobile is the...thing that keeps me connected and also causes me to become frustrated with things.
16. Before I go to sleep at night... too many random unnecessary things get done.
17. When I wake up in the morning...depending on my mood, things can be amazing or depressing.
18. Right now I am thinking...why do I have this uneasy feeling within? Why do I think that my newfound friends are not going to work out? Why does he person I always think will be an amazing friend, turn out to be someone that does not really feel the same.
19. Babies are...things I'm afraid to encounter or have in the future.
20. I go on facebook...in hopes of seeing a notification, to observe people's exchanges or to look at someone's photos. -- nothing good comes out of this.
21. Today I...hope to not be stuck in the state I am in right now.
22. Tonight I...hasn't come yet, but last night I was extremely disappointed.
23. Soon I will...study? (can't really answer this question).
24. I really want...a person, warmth, more money, to be as intelligent as the world allows me to be, to be successful so that the people after me won't have to work as hard, to be completely myself with my family, to complete all the pre-set chapters of life that society has already written the titles to (and others of course).
25. The person who is most likely to re-post this...absolutely no one, it's not like they will not probably notice this anyway lol.
--as you can see, I'm a bit down..yeah.. things are a bit rough in my head..
1. I've come to realize that my ex... --N/A --don't have an ex.
2. I am listening...creepy sound of my empty house.
3. I talk...things that are on my mind or the things I want to do in life. they might be repeated because it takes a while for thoughts to sink in my head. Sometimes people do not care for what I have to say, or even listen to it .
4. I love...some people I shouldn't even attach the word too, I don't have the best judgement sometimes.
5. My best friends...the most unique and dedicated people in my life, it's not easy for me to call someone this.
6. My enemies hate me because... I've neve really gotten a straight answer, so I'm not quite sure yet.
7. I lost...myself many times throughout the years, thinking that what I was doing at the point was right. Even at this very moment, I have to make a decision if I want to lose some people, because I might get hurt.
8. I hate it when people...are insincere about having no interest of being a friend, just be honest.
9. Love is...something I want.
10. Marriage...another set chapter in life that society claims we have to do.
11. Someone, somewhere, is thinking...well, not about me.
12. I'll always be...someone who cares.
13. I have a crush...on someone I probably shouldn't.
14. The last time I cried was because...I realized how different things would be during the academic year with some people.
15. My mobile is the...thing that keeps me connected and also causes me to become frustrated with things.
16. Before I go to sleep at night... too many random unnecessary things get done.
17. When I wake up in the morning...depending on my mood, things can be amazing or depressing.
18. Right now I am thinking...why do I have this uneasy feeling within? Why do I think that my newfound friends are not going to work out? Why does he person I always think will be an amazing friend, turn out to be someone that does not really feel the same.
19. Babies are...things I'm afraid to encounter or have in the future.
20. I go on facebook...in hopes of seeing a notification, to observe people's exchanges or to look at someone's photos. -- nothing good comes out of this.
21. Today I...hope to not be stuck in the state I am in right now.
22. Tonight I...hasn't come yet, but last night I was extremely disappointed.
23. Soon I will...study? (can't really answer this question).
24. I really want...a person, warmth, more money, to be as intelligent as the world allows me to be, to be successful so that the people after me won't have to work as hard, to be completely myself with my family, to complete all the pre-set chapters of life that society has already written the titles to (and others of course).
25. The person who is most likely to re-post this...absolutely no one, it's not like they will not probably notice this anyway lol.
--as you can see, I'm a bit down..yeah.. things are a bit rough in my head..
Do You Fit In?
Not on topic, but after moving in and my sister and step-cousin into their apartment in New Jersey, I felt really weird in the sense that these people are now starting the next chapter of their lives: Going into the working world. That's something that's so close for me, and honestly I got really scared because the job market is iffy and in my field of study -- the people in business only choose the BEST, which I feel just causes me to put more unnecessary pressure on myself, super stressing out and basically perhaps repeating the mental state I was in second semester sophomore year. Well, it got me great grades, but I think I could have also been able to have a stable mental state and get great grades without having to sacrifice that much. But then again, I had my reasons for doing second term the way I did.
Back to what I am going to talk about on this post. When meeting people, especially in college, I feel it's important to find a friend circle in which you feel you fit in, or at least a sub division of a friend circle. For those of you who have already completed a year of college you probably kind of understand what I'm talking about. As the years go by in college, it is much harder in my opinion to explore, broaden your horizons and make different friends and consequently slowly dropping into a different social circle. Then comes the work of getting to know all the members of this circle and such and eventually having them feel comfortable with you being around in hangouts, conversing with you about things other than class and actually asking you to do you things (maybe).
Aside all this branching out from your initial friend circle, there comes a more important question: Do you feel you fit in? When one initially asks this question, they would probably immediately respond in their mind with something along the lines of: "Of course," or "...Yeah." However, if you really, REALLY thought about that question, long and hard, would your answer still be the same? I think it's completely normal to ask yourself this question, because in the end, everyone would prefer to happy and comfortable than secretly feel awkward or unhappy within social situations. I've seen many people just stay with friends out of convenience because they have known these people for so long or for some other reason. Personally, I feel that if someone doesn't feel that they fit in with the friends they have now, most likely because of personality differences then why are you letting yourself be in this situation still?
Honestly I still feel out of place in some the friend circles I have -- whether it be because a certain set of friends got closer with each other and you really weren't there for those moments, because some people have changed or are not really themselves with you or if most of these friends are not really embracing you and not making a friendship a 100/100 type of deal, or simple things like life experiences, age, or personality differences. And I honestly do try with all these people to hang out or get to know them, but if some don't reciprocate I at least knew I made the effort. In some cases, some people could be just fake, giving you the usual small talk, with a smile on their face and acting as if they might want to hang out when they know damn well in their mind that they really have NO interest in getting to know you.
It's interesting how things work out, because you are usually never close with an entire group of friends, usually two or three or maybe even four because honestly there isn't much time to get to know all these people and in addition, every single individual works differently and it might take 2 years for someone to actually get comfortable with you (although that might be too late and you may not be there anymore for them) so an approach that worked with growing closer to one friend might not work with another.
Be sure take a reality check though, because at random points in time if you are unhappy with people, for simply being themselves and for their random quirks --when at one point in time before that moment you were embracing this person (or people) then perhaps the problem lies within yourself. Whether you may be insecure about your standing with other people, affected by trivial things in life or by simply being jealous or another person, these are issues that need to be fixed within for you to eventually feel comfortable with anyone in your life. If the necessary steps do not get taken to slowly fix this, you will just be left unsatisfied and in the same situation every time.
Back to this whole fitting in thing, if you really feel you don't, assess the situation and see what's really the issue, reflect, digest and try to fix the issue. And if it's an issue that you feel isn't worth fixing, then make sure you are making a sound, healthy decision because sometimes things can not be taken back. In the end, everyone should be happy with being themselves and having people around them that embrace each other and work together well. If not, perhaps you should start branching out and finding people who are more your style. That doesn't mean to flat out ditch your other friends, (well unless you despise them) but it just means to perhaps spend less time with them than you usually would in order to use that time for better and maybe more worthwhile opportunities. Never let ANY opportunity that you see that interests you slip by, because you probably will not have a second chance at it.
That's all I have to say for now about this. More to come. I can't believe I move-in in 3 days. Frigg..
Back to what I am going to talk about on this post. When meeting people, especially in college, I feel it's important to find a friend circle in which you feel you fit in, or at least a sub division of a friend circle. For those of you who have already completed a year of college you probably kind of understand what I'm talking about. As the years go by in college, it is much harder in my opinion to explore, broaden your horizons and make different friends and consequently slowly dropping into a different social circle. Then comes the work of getting to know all the members of this circle and such and eventually having them feel comfortable with you being around in hangouts, conversing with you about things other than class and actually asking you to do you things (maybe).
Aside all this branching out from your initial friend circle, there comes a more important question: Do you feel you fit in? When one initially asks this question, they would probably immediately respond in their mind with something along the lines of: "Of course," or "...Yeah." However, if you really, REALLY thought about that question, long and hard, would your answer still be the same? I think it's completely normal to ask yourself this question, because in the end, everyone would prefer to happy and comfortable than secretly feel awkward or unhappy within social situations. I've seen many people just stay with friends out of convenience because they have known these people for so long or for some other reason. Personally, I feel that if someone doesn't feel that they fit in with the friends they have now, most likely because of personality differences then why are you letting yourself be in this situation still?
Honestly I still feel out of place in some the friend circles I have -- whether it be because a certain set of friends got closer with each other and you really weren't there for those moments, because some people have changed or are not really themselves with you or if most of these friends are not really embracing you and not making a friendship a 100/100 type of deal, or simple things like life experiences, age, or personality differences. And I honestly do try with all these people to hang out or get to know them, but if some don't reciprocate I at least knew I made the effort. In some cases, some people could be just fake, giving you the usual small talk, with a smile on their face and acting as if they might want to hang out when they know damn well in their mind that they really have NO interest in getting to know you.
It's interesting how things work out, because you are usually never close with an entire group of friends, usually two or three or maybe even four because honestly there isn't much time to get to know all these people and in addition, every single individual works differently and it might take 2 years for someone to actually get comfortable with you (although that might be too late and you may not be there anymore for them) so an approach that worked with growing closer to one friend might not work with another.
Be sure take a reality check though, because at random points in time if you are unhappy with people, for simply being themselves and for their random quirks --when at one point in time before that moment you were embracing this person (or people) then perhaps the problem lies within yourself. Whether you may be insecure about your standing with other people, affected by trivial things in life or by simply being jealous or another person, these are issues that need to be fixed within for you to eventually feel comfortable with anyone in your life. If the necessary steps do not get taken to slowly fix this, you will just be left unsatisfied and in the same situation every time.
Back to this whole fitting in thing, if you really feel you don't, assess the situation and see what's really the issue, reflect, digest and try to fix the issue. And if it's an issue that you feel isn't worth fixing, then make sure you are making a sound, healthy decision because sometimes things can not be taken back. In the end, everyone should be happy with being themselves and having people around them that embrace each other and work together well. If not, perhaps you should start branching out and finding people who are more your style. That doesn't mean to flat out ditch your other friends, (well unless you despise them) but it just means to perhaps spend less time with them than you usually would in order to use that time for better and maybe more worthwhile opportunities. Never let ANY opportunity that you see that interests you slip by, because you probably will not have a second chance at it.
That's all I have to say for now about this. More to come. I can't believe I move-in in 3 days. Frigg..
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