Do You Fit In?

Not on topic, but after moving in and my sister and step-cousin into their apartment in New Jersey, I felt really weird in the sense that these people are now starting the next chapter of their lives: Going into the working world. That's something that's so close for me, and honestly I got really scared because the job market is iffy and in my field of study -- the people in business only choose the BEST, which I feel just causes me to put more unnecessary pressure on myself, super stressing out and basically perhaps repeating the mental state I was in second semester sophomore year. Well, it got me great grades, but I think I could have also been able to have a stable mental state and get great grades without having to sacrifice that much. But then again, I had my reasons for doing second term the way I did.

Back to what I am going to talk about on this post. When meeting people, especially in college, I feel it's important to find a friend circle in which you feel you fit in, or at least a sub division of a friend circle. For those of you who have already completed a year of college you probably kind of understand what I'm talking about. As the years go by in college, it is much harder in my opinion to explore, broaden your horizons and make different friends and consequently slowly dropping into a different social circle. Then comes the work of getting to know all the members of this circle and such and eventually having them feel comfortable with you being around in hangouts, conversing with you about things other than class and actually asking you to do you things (maybe).

Aside all this branching out from your initial friend circle, there comes a more important question: Do you feel you fit in? When one initially asks this question, they would probably immediately respond in their mind with something along the lines of: "Of course," or "...Yeah." However, if you really, REALLY thought about that question, long and hard, would your answer still be the same? I think it's completely normal to ask yourself this question, because in the end, everyone would prefer to happy and comfortable than secretly feel awkward or unhappy within social situations. I've seen many people just stay with friends out of convenience because they have known these people for so long or for some other reason. Personally, I feel that if someone doesn't feel that they fit in with the friends they have now, most likely because of personality differences then why are you letting yourself be in this situation still?

Honestly I still feel out of place in some the friend circles I have -- whether it be because a certain set of friends got closer with each other and you really weren't there for those moments, because some people have changed or are not really themselves with you or if most of these friends are not really embracing you and not making a friendship a 100/100 type of deal, or simple things like life experiences, age, or personality differences. And I honestly do try with all these people to hang out or get to know them, but if some don't reciprocate I at least knew I made the effort. In some cases, some people could be just fake, giving you the usual small talk, with a smile on their face and acting as if they might want to hang out when they know damn well in their mind that they really have NO interest in getting to know you.

It's interesting how things work out, because you are usually never close with an entire group of friends, usually two or three or maybe even four because honestly there isn't much time to get to know all these people and in addition, every single individual works differently and it might take 2 years for someone to actually get comfortable with you (although that might be too late and you may not be there anymore for them) so an approach that worked with growing closer to one friend might not work with another.

Be sure take a reality check though, because at random points in time if you are unhappy with people, for simply being themselves and for their random quirks --when at one point in time before that moment you were embracing this person (or people) then perhaps the problem lies within yourself. Whether you may be insecure about your standing with other people, affected by trivial things in life or by simply being jealous or another person, these are issues that need to be fixed within for you to eventually feel comfortable with anyone in your life. If the necessary steps do not get taken to slowly fix this, you will just be left unsatisfied and in the same situation every time.

Back to this whole fitting in thing, if you really feel you don't, assess the situation and see what's really the issue, reflect, digest and try to fix the issue. And if it's an issue that you feel isn't worth fixing, then make sure you are making a sound, healthy decision because sometimes things can not be taken back. In the end, everyone should be happy with being themselves and having people around them that embrace each other and work together well. If not, perhaps you should start branching out and finding people who are more your style. That doesn't mean to flat out ditch your other friends, (well unless you despise them) but it just means to perhaps spend less time with them than you usually would in order to use that time for better and maybe more worthwhile opportunities. Never let ANY opportunity that you see that interests you slip by, because you probably will not have a second chance at it.

That's all I have to say for now about this. More to come. I can't believe I move-in in 3 days. Frigg..